عَنْ تَمِيمٍ الدَّارِىِّ أَنَّ النَّبِىَّ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- قَالَ
« الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ » قُلْنَا لِمَنْ قَالَ « لِلَّهِ وَلِكِتَابِهِ وَلِرَسُولِهِ وَلأَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَعَامَّتِهِمْ ».
متفق عليه – اللفظ لمسلم
On the authority of Tameem ad Daaree, That the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“The deen (religion) is naseehah (advice, sincerity).” We said, “To whom?” He (ﷺ) said, “To Allah, His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.”
[Agreed upon – the statement of Muslim.]
Due to the fact that we are responsible to advise one another, I wanted to take a second to advise some of our brothers and sisters that are looking to be married, especial on the social media networks. We really need to look at how things are being done, and compare this to the correct way of doing things. After all, if we do things the correct way, it will only be a benefit to us in both this life, as well as in the hereafter.
So here’s the advice:
When we consider in these days and times, while listening to the different conversations that take place between the Muslims, we find everyone is talking about marriage. This is found to be true, especially when we look around the different social media networks. Everyone and their mothers are talking about how they wish they could find a spouse with certain descriptions and characteristics. This one wants certain physical characteristics. This one wants financial stability. This one wants to move to a specific country. The list goes on for days. The thing that should concern us the most is the fact that everyone is worrying about getting a relationship with someone else, and have not really begun getting their relationship in a correct manner with Allah (The Creator of the heavens and the earth).
As a general rule, when looking for happiness and attempting to make a change, we need to start with those things that are most important and then move our way down. We cannot start from the bottom of the list and begin trying to make our corrections and additions, working our way up. When we do this, we leave off those things that should have been changed from the beginning. If we do this, once we get around to those more important issues, we will find that what we thought we wanted is not what we really needed in the first place.
All of this is to say, that when we feel as though we want to change different aspects in our lives, we should begin with our relationship with Allah. We stated before, that it doesn’t make sense to leave the most important relationship, which will in turn affect all the others, and jump right into one of those relationships that should be based on the first one (our relationship with Allah).
You may be sitting and asking yourself why is this topic so important. This is what we want to explain now. As we said before the first relationship that we need to be worried about developing, is that relationship that we have with Allah. We see many people these days, working backwards. Yes we know that marriage is half of our religion. But it should only be done as a way of getting closer to Allah. This can only be done by knowing what Allah wants from you.
As Muslims, when we love, we should love for the sake of Allah. We should love those things that Allah loves, and be displeased with those things that Allah is displeased with. This type of love is that type of love that true faith leads us to having. The only way this type of love can possibly be developed, is to first develop a real relationship with Allah.
When we take our time out, and get to know about Allah, whom the whole of our existence revolves around, we will find that everything becomes much clearer. We begin to understand that Allah has out of His love for us, set up guidelines as to how we should live every detail of our lives. Allah has explained in detail that which is good for us and will cause us benefit in both this life and the hereafter. He has also explained in detail those things that will cause us nothing but harm and trials both in this life and in the hereafter. Everything has been explained to us in terms of what will cause our happiness and success, and from these things is what type of person we should be looking for as a spouse.
People sit online and in cafes trying to choose the perfect spouse. They find the one that is the most pleasing to the eye, the one with the best profession, the best clothes, house or even car. Now obviously they are Muslim, or they would not have even been in the running to begin with most likely. So let’s say that they like one another and decide to get married based on these things. They start a life together, and even a family. Then as in most relationships, one of them decides that they want to become more religious. They start their quest to find out more about Allah and what He wants from us.
This spouse begins to develop a relationship with Allah. They begin to develop this appreciation and love for Allah that we have been commanded with in the Quran and the Sunnah. Due to this, they begin to love more of what Allah loves, and begins to try to stick to these things. As well, they begin to see those things that Allah is displeased with as disgusting and distasteful. They begin to move away from these things and the people that partake in these things.
Now mind you, that generally when this happens, it is usually one spouse that embarks on this journey. Sometimes the other one follows, but many times they do not. Think about how many times you yourself have witnessed this happening in those relationships around you. What usually happens in this relationship? They usually begin to grow apart because their interests become different. Where one feels comfortable committing certain types of sins, the other may feel not only a high level of discomfort, but a disdain for this action, even if it was something that they used to take part in together regularly.
Slowly but surely, the two begin to drift apart, because of the fact that they realize that what they like and are pleased with are different. As we said, it starts off with one thing and the list begins to grow. This as you know is not an uncommon problem or situation. It happens very often. The reason for it is usually the same. It is because we developed a relationship on something other than our love for Allah and that which He loves, and a dislike for that which He dislikes. As a Muslim, eventually one wants to get closer to Allah, so this change is almost inevitable. So to avoid having to go through this situation of either creating a not so desirable living situation, or even worse, the dissolving of yet another marriage, we need to do things right.
We have to make sure that we start our marriages off based on our love for Allah and those things He loves, and a dislike for those things He is displeased with. We need to make sure that the one that we make plans to start a lifetime with, and a family with are on the same general page. This is important, because as Muslims trying to get closer to Allah, this is the only thing that will bring us close to one another. That we are working together for a common goal, which is to please Allah and gain His reward. We cannot find happiness in each one of us simply chasing and following our whims and desires. For sure, one day their whims and desires will begin to clash, and what will be left to hold their relationship together?